I think we can all agree Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a classic on par with Citizen Kane (if you don’t, you’re in the wrong place). But some of Hooper’s later work, to be generous, has been a tragi-comic tour through the world of EPIC FAIL. Case in point, 1995’s The Mangler, an adapted Stephen King story about a laundry folding machine with a taste for erythrocytes, as Carcass would dub them.
The real problem, for me, was apparent from the outset with King’s story. Who of us regularly comes into contact with a laundry folding machine? It’s way too abstract to the average human existence. Maniacal cars that want you all to yourself, that’s something most of us can wrap our brains around.
So Stephen, if you’re reading, let me give you an idea ripped straight from Reek of Putrefaction: There are few things more horrific than an office microwave, the poorly cleaned locus of most virulent strains of workplace pathogens. Just to up the queasy factor, taking your shmutz encrusted office microwave and try to use it to gestate a baby as Carcass suggested with “Mircrowaved Uterogestation.”
Unfortunately, some retard in Ohio ignored the obligatory “do not try this at home” warning.
Fomentatious perflation hydrogenates your foetal cistern
Coagulating haemorrhage and your congenital hernia
Dehydrated soup – crumbling hygroma
Pectified sludge – dank, acrid aroma
Clotting uteral mucus, dissipating your foetus
Melting your uterus and evaporating your cyesis
Your foetus is reconstituted by warm, molten enzymes
Slowly digested in a microwaved slime
Your stomach is churning, heat effervescing your succus
Your innards running like hot, sticky mucus
Mangled uterogestation, your perimetrium clots
Your inside cooking, steaming and hot
Foment – v. to encourage rebellion or discord
Perflate – v. to blow through
Hydrogenate – v. to add hydrogen to a molecule
Coagulate – v. to congeal from a liquid into a thickened mass
Congenital – adj. inborn, a condition present a birth
Hernia – n. the protrusion of an organ through its surrounding tissues, particularly in the abdomen
Hyrgroma – n. a collection of cerebrospinal fluid without blood
Pectate – v. to turn tissues into a salt of pectic acid
Cyesis – n. pregnancy
Effervesce – v. to give off bubbles of gas
Succus – n. a fluid secreted by tissues
Perimetrium – n. the outer layer of the uterus
The real problem, for me, was apparent from the outset with King’s story. Who of us regularly comes into contact with a laundry folding machine? It’s way too abstract to the average human existence. Maniacal cars that want you all to yourself, that’s something most of us can wrap our brains around.
So Stephen, if you’re reading, let me give you an idea ripped straight from Reek of Putrefaction: There are few things more horrific than an office microwave, the poorly cleaned locus of most virulent strains of workplace pathogens. Just to up the queasy factor, taking your shmutz encrusted office microwave and try to use it to gestate a baby as Carcass suggested with “Mircrowaved Uterogestation.”
Unfortunately, some retard in Ohio ignored the obligatory “do not try this at home” warning.
Fomentatious perflation hydrogenates your foetal cistern
Coagulating haemorrhage and your congenital hernia
Dehydrated soup – crumbling hygroma
Pectified sludge – dank, acrid aroma
Clotting uteral mucus, dissipating your foetus
Melting your uterus and evaporating your cyesis
Your foetus is reconstituted by warm, molten enzymes
Slowly digested in a microwaved slime
Your stomach is churning, heat effervescing your succus
Your innards running like hot, sticky mucus
Mangled uterogestation, your perimetrium clots
Your inside cooking, steaming and hot
Foment – v. to encourage rebellion or discord
Perflate – v. to blow through
Hydrogenate – v. to add hydrogen to a molecule
Coagulate – v. to congeal from a liquid into a thickened mass
Congenital – adj. inborn, a condition present a birth
Hernia – n. the protrusion of an organ through its surrounding tissues, particularly in the abdomen
Hyrgroma – n. a collection of cerebrospinal fluid without blood
Pectate – v. to turn tissues into a salt of pectic acid
Cyesis – n. pregnancy
Effervesce – v. to give off bubbles of gas
Succus – n. a fluid secreted by tissues
Perimetrium – n. the outer layer of the uterus
1 comment:
Ah, Carcass! Gotta love the shocking imagery you get from a song about the effect of abortions done by saline injection to the womb. Makes me wonder if they're pro-life? Also, I really wish they would perform this song during their reunion tour, along with burnt to a crip...
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