G&P Review: La Tormenta

They broke his shin bones and arms with an axe-hammer. Then they stripped him, and would flay him alive; but when they tried to take off the skin, they could not do it for the gush of blood. They took leather whips and flogged him for so long that the skin was as much taken off as if he had been flayed. Then they broke a piece of wood in his back until it broke, dragged him to a tree and hanged him; and then cut off his head and brought the body and head to a heap of stones and buried him there. All acknowledge, both enemies and friends, that no man in Norway, within memory of the living, was more gifted with perfections or more experience than Sigurd, but in some respects he was an unlucky man.

Snorri Sturluson
"Saga of Sigurd, Inge and Eystein, the Sons of Harald"
Heimskringla
c. 1230

La Tormenta 
Midgard Grind
Self Released
Midgard Grind is a bit like the Mr. Creosote of grindcore: it just sounds wafer thin. This South  American "grind viking core" band cobble together a 15 song grab bag of demo quality studio tracks and worse sounding live efforts that don't do their musical aspirations any favors because you can't decipher anything. The ranting German sample that introduces the record is the loudest thing to behold. I'm not saying every album needs to be pristine and soulless and overproduced (far from it), but it's nice when there's enough space in the mix between instruments that you can actually hear what's going on.
What you can occasionally make out through the haze are the usual diatribes (en espanol) about America, las capitalistas, punk girls and ... vikings. I'm still not really sure how South America and nordic pirates go together, but sure, whatever. You're not here for their exegesis on what Hrafnkel tells us about Medieval Scandinavian morality and law; you're here to get knocked on your pooper by insane blasting. Unfortunately, the drums sound like a teletype in an old timey newsroom and the occasional musical hooks--the groove of "Viagem Clandenista" or the jangly '60s rock guitar that starts off "Ordo Ab Chao (Anapolis metal ao vivo)" rapidly get swamped by the murk and lose their punch. All acknowledge, both enemies and friends, that La Tormenta have the requisite skills to make a play for blast beat glory, but in some respects they are an unlucky band.

[Full disclosure: the band sent me a download.]

Grindcore Bracketology: Round Four

Ok. Now I know you guys are just fucking with me. Are you guys getting together somewhere and conspiring to deadlock your votes? I blog my fingers to the bones for you ingrates and this is how you thank me? Are you trying to make me prematurely gray(er)? Three weeks in a row with a tie. Same category too. Once again, I must employ the wisdom of Solomon. Or flip a coin. Whatever.
Here's how it all went down in round three.

THE GEEZERS

More Metal
Unlucky number 13 a piece for both Repulsion and Terrorizer. Clearly you people couldn't make up your mind and I'm torn on this one too. I probably enjoy Terrorizer more, but cmon, none of us would be here without Horrified. So Repulsion wins by one rotting maggot in a coffin.

More Punk
Scum is probably the first grind record worthy of the term grindcore, but that apparently only takes it so far in your affection. Assuck's Anticapital snuck past Napalm Death by 14-12.

THE UPSTARTS

More Arty
This is the one I thought would probably be the toughest call but despite a vocal contingent singing the praises of Prowler in the Yard, The Inalienable Fucking Dreamless cruised to a comfortable 16-11 victory.

More Farty
No contest here. Insect Warfare's World Extermination crushed poor 324 by a commanding 23-3.

So we are at the penultimate week of voting and it's time to decide the greatest of the Geezers and the freshest of the Upstarts. As always, voting is open until Sunday here or at the Facebook page. May the best band win.

THE GEEZERS
Repulsion-Horrified v. Assuck-Anticapital

THE UPSTARTS
Discordance Axis-The Inalienable Dreamless v. Insect Warfare-World Extermination

How to Talk to Your Children About Grindcore

So the wife and I will be bringing a Lil Grinder home in a few weeks. If posting suddenly takes a nosedive, now you'll know why. We've been spending all our free time assembling baby furniture (I have a truly impressive collection of allen wrenches now), rearranging our finances and generally doing all that responsible first time parent shit. But there are more important, more pressing troubles now facing us that could potentially shatter our marriage and impede the kid's growth.
How do you talk to your kid about grindcore?
Should I go the chronological route? Start them off with Siege, work up through Scum? Will they react the same way I did or just roll their eyes at music that's decades old?
How about dive straight into the deep end with The Inalienable Dreamless? Or is that something you have to work up to?
Maybe I should ease them in with punk and then wean them over with stuff that vaguely resembles traditional song structure like Nasum or more recent Pig Destroyer (NOT Book Burner).
Can a kid be suspended for singing "Cheerleader Corpses" at the school talent show?
Do Insect Warfare make onesies?
These are the kinds of things I have to consider now. I'm responsible for a little person's all import musical development. This is a heavy responsibility. Otherwise my kid could grow up to get heartagram tattoos and listen to Disturbed like their uncle. Ewwwwwww. You only get one chance to raise kids right.
If anybody has good advice on making sure your kids grow up with good musical taste, I'm all ears.
I'm preparing as best I can. At least I know I'll have the most bad ass diaper bag in the daddy play group.

My patch obsession is almost as bad as my sticker obsession.

G&P Review: God Harvest/Cogs and Sprockets

God Harvest/Cogs and  Sprockets
Split
Tack Head
We're riding the cusp of a glorious noisegrind renaissance as bands like thedowngoing and Water Torture lift and reinvigorate the blurring blasts of earliest Anal Cunt, select choices of the Gore Beyond Necropsy catalog and Insect Warfare's insane bubble gum pink final record to produce blown out white noise monstrosities  of ear stabbing abrasiveness that's extreme even by grindcore's antisocial standards.
Joining that elite cadre is the glowing nuclear crater left behind one man ICBM factory Cogs and Sprockets, who tortures man and machine alike in service of his irradiated song suites. It's all banshee wailing recitations of the world's myriad and most conspicuous failures punctuated by exclamation marks of screeching stop/start guitar protestations. The 7-inch's sleeve claims there are six separate songs on offering here, but that's like trying to count individual warheads when you're being clusterbombed. The Cogs and Sprockets side of this split proudly proclaims that "grindcore rears its ugly head" and this motherfucker delivers like FedEx. Meet your new favorite nightmare.
Flipside, Florida quintet God Harvest would be considered fleet-footed in any other context in which they were not in a police lineup with Cogs and Sprockets. Vocalist Tyler Toth was probably brushing drywall out of his chompers for a couple weeks after this recording session because he devours scenery like Al Pacino visiting the crystal meth factory on free sample day. His compelling delivery and phrasing have a shade of J.R. Hayes about them and that really gives God Harvest character. He's lucky because the musical elements of the band give him plenty to work with. God Harvest are not averse to occasionally slowing things down, cruising by to admire the carnage in their wake before flipping your twitching corpse the bird and stomping the gas again. That keeps their side consistently engrossing. God Harvest can hit you from a variety of angles but they really seem to love that sneak attack.

[Full disclosure: Tack Head sent me a review copy.]

Grindcore Bracketology 3: Round Three

Not content with a deadlocked ending last week, you had to go and do it again. Good job, guys. This is why we can't have nice things. So for the second week in a row I was forced to employ my dictatorial powers to call the victor. Who did I just condemn to perdition? Read on.

THE GEEZERS

More Metal
Once again the more metal category gave you fits with Terrorizer's World Downfall and Brutal Truth's Need to Control knotted up at 10 a side. So by the power vested in me by the state of insanity, I'm advancing Terrorizer to the next round. Plus, I'm afraid Gamefaced would beat me up if they lost.

More Punk
Assuck (anti)capitalized on their opportunity to bump Brutal Truth out of the running, squeaking past Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses by 11-9.

THE UPSTARTS

More Arty
Dephosphorus put out a beast of a record with Night Sky Transform, but who are we kidding? It's up against Prowler in the Yard. Pig Destroyer took a decisive 18-2 win.

More Farty
In the battle of Asia experience triumphed over youthful energy as 324 snuck past Wormrot by 11-9.

So that brings us to the end of the initial rounds and the updated brackets are available for your viewing pleasure here. Now it's time to get serious. It's time to decide who's the most metal, who's the artiest, who's the fartiest. Who will triumph in each category? As always, you have until Sunday and you can vote here or at the Facebook page.

THE GEEZERS
 
The Most Metal
1. Repulsion-Horrified v. 3. Terrorizer-World Downfall

The Punkiest
1. Napalm Death-Scum v. 5. Assuck-Anticapital

THE UPSTARTS

The Artiest
1. Discordance Axis-The Inalienable Dreamless v. 2. Pig Destroyer-Prowler in the Yard

The Fartiest
1. Insect Warfare-World Extermination v. 5. 324-Boutoku no Taiyo

G&P Review: Winters in Osaka and Astro/Winters in Osaka

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned

William Butler Yeats
"The Second Coming"
1920

Winters in Osaka 
Monuments Collapsing
Grindcore Karaoke

Astro/Winters in Osaka
Reverberating Forest
Phage Tapes/Dismantle Records
Eletromancers Winters in Osaka show off the breadth of their twitchy, witchy, glitchy nightmare noise on a pair of recent releases that delve into all the velvety black and gray and blue shades that color the night. The Chicago electronics outfit conduct symphonies of sound the way Lord Morpheus the shaper would  bend dreamstuff to his will.
Two song album Mutual Collapse, free on Grindcore Karaoke, delivers exactly what it says on the bottle. It's the sound of the slow decay of civilization, a world long bereft of the stain of humanity. It soundtracks the crumbling concrete monuments to our narrow vanity, the gnashing teeth of the Langoliers devouring our history until only sterile silence remains. Winters in Osaka gnaw through two versions of the title song. The first is a concise 12 minute detonation while the sprawling 35 minute deep dive has been recorded using binaural tones that are supposed to produce an added psychological effect. While the pillars of my personality remained solidly in place, the longer version does have a low tone rumble that adds an extra dimension that emphasizes Winters in Osaka's apocalyptic vision.
Winters in Osaka also tag teamed with Japanese noise artist Astro for Reverberating Forest, a single 40-minute song that finds the band working at its most contemplative and introspective. The song's spine is a Sunn O)))-like drone that embodies the cosmic OM (or possibly Ohm), but there's a snake lurking in their silicon paradise. Astro, who is responsible for the album's middle passage, slowly builds unsettling waves of warbling noise and modulating tones that creep in unnoticed at first but get to work on your lizard brain emotions. When the white noise finally breaches like an FX box whale, it shatters the placid atmosphere. When the wonted electronic apocalypse comes crashing in it's as though every communications breakdown in the modern world were suddenly given audible life--every dropped cell call, every autoco-wrecked text message, every email mistakenly sent to reply all. The very means of communication have cut off all meaningful conversation in the face of Astro and Winters in Osaka's digital Babel. Like Monuments Collapsing, the only thing left when humanity's traces are digitally scoured are the faint echoes reverberating through the forest.

[Full disclosure: the band sent me a review copy.]

G&P Review: Beastplague

Beastplague
Manifestation
Bandcamp
Promiscuous Florida trio Beastplague adventurously grab every musical tool at hand and toss them into Manifestation's seven songs as they see fit. Bits of hardcore, grind and death metal jumble out of their amps. So that puts Beastplague in steady company with Exitium and Mother Brain even if they haven't quite put all of the pieces together as well as either of those other bands.
Swinging like the fulcrum of Manifestation is "Labyrinth of Torture," which is probably the most complete song of the bunch while the hardcore band with Bolt Thrower double kick shtick of "Crown of Scorn" might be a close second. There's a really nice weight and sense of physicality to Beastplague's sound that would probably crush live in a sweaty basement filled with amped up hooligans, especially when that low-bridging bass swings through "Born of Sin" like Scott Stevens catching a forward with his head down coming through the neutral zone.
If there's one area I'd like to which I'd like to see Beastplagues maybe devote some more effort, it would be at the mic. The vocalist roars through triumphant exhortations sort of like a grindcore Jamie Jasta (only without all the, ya know, suck), but the shouted-just-short-of-intelligibility approach is a bit one dimensional. I'd love to hear the vocalist mix it up more and bring some more dynamisms to Beastplague's assault. Do that, and it would maximize this band's punch.

[Full disclosure: the band sent me a download.]

Grindcore Bracketology 3: Round Two Part Two

Well this is a fine predicament you people left me in to start off round two. A tie. Who's all knotted up and how have I resolved it? Read on.

THE GEEZERS

More Metal
You guys split dead even at 12 apiece for Repulsion's Horrified and Assuck's Misery Index. So I will employ my dictatorial powers to call this one. As your benevolent(ish) dictator, I hand the victory to Horrified. Not only is it widely viewed as the first true grind record, but my decision was all the easier knowing that Assuck still live to fight another day with Anticapital still in contention.

More Punk
Though the early voting suggested we'd get a pretty stunning upset, Napalm Death and Scum gutted it out with a late surge to roar past Disrupt's Unrest by 17-6.

THE UPSTARTS

More Arty
No matter who loses, Jon Chang wins this one. You guys decided The Inalienable Dreamless is a better record than Amber Gray by a pretty comfortable 19-4 margin.

More Farty
Another no brainer, Insect Warfare's World Extermination declared war with Kill the Client's grindcore, squashing Cleptocracy by 20-3.

So that's the first half of round two. Before we move on, you can peruse the standings here. So let's get to the second half. As always, vote here or at the Facebook page. Once again, you've got until Sunday to make your thoughts know.

THE GEEZERS

More Metal
3. Terrorizer-World Downfall v. 4. Brutal Truth-Need to Control


More Punk
2. Brutal Truth-Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses v. 5. Assuck-Anticapital


THE UPSTARTS

More Arty
2. Pig Destroyer-Prowler in the Yard v. 4. Dephosphorus-Night Sky Transform

More Farty
2. Wormrot-Abuse v. 5. 324-Boutoku no Taiyo

Blast(beat) from the Past: Backslider

Backslider
Backslider
To Live a Lie
2010
By now you've probably heard me mention Backslider a few times as an up and comer you need to watch closely, but I've belatedly realized I've never given them their proper due with a post of their own. Please allow me to rectify that egregious oversight.
This Philly duo staked their claim to incipient grindcore mastery right out the gate with their 2010 eponymous 7-inch. It's 13 songs of crustified, hardcore-inflected grind that puts them in good stead with contemporaries Amputee and Cellgraft at the crest of the recent wave of no bullshit, no frills, head down grind. It's like Insect Warfare's all too brief run was a system shock to young grindcore bands who picked up the torch and started blasting away at their own breed of devastating material. Where some of their peers owe deep and obvious debts to the glory of the Assuck back catalog, Backslider bring in just enough of a hardcore vibe--especially the barking vocals and micro-breakdowns that litter their songs--to give them a unique voice in their particular microgenre. When Backslider do cool things out, like on "Encroachment," the stillness is like that ominous moment when that normally chill dude you know who never really bothers anyone finally stirs himself and delivers a richly deserved ass-beating.
But there's really no point in getting too wrapped up in taxonomy and critical analysis because it's best to kick back and let Backslider's confrontational aggression get up in your face. I dare you to talk back.

Seasons in the Abyss

So I guess it's time to acknowledge that the universe is still here and my next mortgage payment and credit card bill are due. Thanks a fucking lot, Mayans. Way to let everyone down. So since we're still here (at least until Harold Camping carries a one in his calculations and gives doomsday another whirl), it's time to flip over another calendar and circle the important dates. Fortunately for you, I've annotated every every punk and grind moment of horological significance in 2013 for your convenience.

There's a Hole in May Heart That Can Only Be Filled By... Me



Valentine's Day is coming. Operation: Cliff Clavin let you off the hook.

The Last Call of Cthulhu



In a more just universe, March 15th would be an interdimensional holiday of squamous, tentacled celebration. Rudimentary Peni represent.

Juneteenth



Just a summertime jam from the Minutemen.

Summer Vacation!



And now a quick word from your travel agent, the Sex Pistols. Pass the cocoa butter and mankini.

Season of the Witch



I just had a lame pirate costume as a kid. The Dead Kennedys make me feel bad for even trying.

Dawn of the Dead (The Original, Not the Remake)



Mmmm. Sugar skulls. Nashgul remind us that Americans don't own all the holidays.

Jive Turkey



Agoraphobic Nosebleed
carveflip the bird.

Guess Who's Creeping Up Your Chimney



Twas the night before Grindmas, courtesy of Agoraphobic Nosebleed. Enough with Christmas, guys, I'm waiting for your epic Yom Kippur themed album.

Presents!



If you're lucky, coal is the only thing The Locust will leave in your stocking.

Grindcore Bracketology 3: The Start of Round Two

Ok, we started with 32 classic albums from all of grindcore's eras and now we're down to the Sweet Sixteen. Round One is over and the bands have been reseeded. The matchups only get uglier from this point on. You guys did a great job because there's some absolutely fascinating pairings coming your way in the very near future. Who's going to rise to the top of the fray?

Meanwhile, here's how round one came crashing to an end.

THE GEEZERS

More Metal
Brutal Truth left Carcass to Reek of Putrefaction because the New York grind freaks Need to Control everything around them, rising by a vote of 11-7.

More Punk
This one surprised the hell out of me. I had Siege picked as a contender to win it all but they dropped dead in the face of Assuck's anticapitalist sentiments, 11-8.

THE UPSTARTS

More Arty
Night Sky Transform is barely a year old, but Dephosphorus upset one of my favorite grind albums ever, Agoraphobic Nosebleed's transformative Altered States of America, by 10-8.

More Farty
Japan's crustcore deities 324 pulled it out in squeaker. Boutoku no Taiyo edged past Suffering Mind's eponymous effort by 9-8.

So with all of that in the bag, the matchups and been reseeded and here's how Round Two is going to play out. Check it all out here.

THE GEEZERS

More Metal
1. Repulsion-Horrified v. 7. Assuck-Misery Index
3. Terrorizer-World Downfall v. 4. Brutal Truth-Need to Control

More Punk
1. Napalm Death-Scum v. 6. Disrupt-Unrest
2. Brutal Truth-Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses v. 5. Assuck-Anticapital


THE UPSTARTS

More Arty
1. Discordance Axis-The Inalienable Dreamless v. 6. GridLink-Amber Gray (That's right you picked between Matsubara projects only to get stuck with Chang on Chang)
2. Pig Destroyer-Prowler in the Yard v. 4. Dephosphorus-Night Sky Transform

More Farty
1. Insect Warfare-World Extermination v. 6. Kill the Client-Cleptocracy
2. Wormrot-Abuse v. 324-Boutoku no Taiyo


So all of that is prologue to this week's matchups. Once again, you have until Sunday. Vote here or at the Facebook page. Have at it.

THE GEEZERS

More Metal
1. Repulsion-Horrified v. 7. Assuck-Misery Index

More Punk
1. Napalm Death-Scum v. 6. Disrupt-Unrest

THE UPSTARTS

More Arty
1. Discordance Axis-The Inalienable Dreamless v. 6. GridLink-Amber Gray

More Farty
1. Insect Warfare-World Extermination v. 6. Kill the Client-Cleptocracy

Blast(beat) from the Past: Cyborg

Cyborg
Cyborg
Deep Six
2011
If you are a hardworking, blue collar member of Weekend Nachos and you just got home after punching out from your double shift at the local power violence factory pressing out jam after killer jam, just how do you work out the day's frustrations? Why, you crack the frosty beverage of your choice, start up a kickass side project and bless with world with even more power violence. That's the Cyborg story in a nutshell.
While there is nothing here that will shock fans of the members' day job, Cyborg's nine songs nudge away from Weekend Nacho's junior Man in the Bastard glower to copiously pilfer from all velocities of the Siege canon (particularly "Grim Reaper's" slow motion misery--no saxophone, though). What makes Cyborg especially interesting is the way the flip the script on the hoary punk and grind trope of starting a song all slow and blasting away to the finish. Instead, these more machine than men power mongers love to kick your teeth in from the handshake and then double foot the brakes to slowly loom over your bleeding body to gloat over the damage at the end. When they crank things down, the elephantine heaviness of the bass just rumbles over the scene like a breaking thunderstorm on a windswept plain. It's a small stylistic tic, but it's enough to jolt some freshness into a 20 year old style.
And Cyborg have certainly drunk deep of hardcore's storied history because they spend most of the EP's runtime pissing all over its treasured conventions. They rant about being that guy with no interest in drinking or drugs but who really hates those preachy straight edge assholes ("Pointless Rant" -- and boy can I relate to that one), obnoxious vegans who lord their imaginary superiority over you ("90's Song") and tatted up dickbags who like to pose and preen and bully others at shows ("Tough Love"). All of that and the definitive word on limeade's superiority to lemonade.
Cyborg is that rare side project I think I actually like more than the regular band.