Monday, September 13, 2010

The Jester Race

We all know metal is SRS BZNESS otherwise it wouldn’t be filled with endless photos of identical bands in identical black shirts making identical SRS faces at the camera. Oooh, scary.
Sometimes I just feel like telling the entire metal community to “lighten up, Francis.” Punk and metal are supposed to be fun, dammit, but it seems like only grindcore remembers how to crack a goddamned smile anymore. Despite the lingering influence of the No Fun Club, even fastcore punks and power violence nerds have been spotted sporting the occasional goofy grin.
If the Dead Kennedys taught me nothing else in my life, it’s that sometimes ridicule can be the most effective form of protest. The powers that be, from your local scene queen douche at a basement show straight up through the big Jehovah himself, hate being mocked. So with that in mind, I pulled together a collection of songs whose titles never fail to make me giggle. This is in no way an indication of how good the songs themselves are. It’s merely a representation of my bent sense of humor.
Feel free to offer your own suggestions in the comments as well.

Population Reduction – “Yuppie Assault Vehicle”
Voetsek – “WWLD [What Would Lemmy Do?]”
Squash Bowels – “Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Ass”
Spoonful of Vicodin – “My Idea of Anarchy is Taking a Shit on Company Time”
Guyana Punch Line – “Home Fucking is Killing Prostitution”
Psycho – “Carnation Instant Death”
Total Fucking Destruction – “Seth Putnam is Wrong About a Lot of Things, But Seth Putnam is Right About You” [ed.: best song title evAR.]
Anal Cunt – “Our Band is Wicked Sick (We Have the Flu)”
xBrainiax – “Lenny Kravitz is His Answer”
Spazz – “The One With a Goat has an Orgy Up His Sleeve”


Bill Willingham IV, Esquire said...

I concur with that TFD song having the best title ever, fo sho.

The first thing this article made me think of was Immortal. Thrashers had a good sense of humor, some death metal guys do, but black metal seemed the most DEADLY FUCKING SRS OMG. However, even if it didn't come out in their lyrics, Immortal did a good job of walking that line between having a healthy sense of humor and being a joke band.

I actually don't listen to Immortal much at all, but I love the idea of them, haha.

DesiccatedVeins said...

"SPWAaLoTBSPRAY" is literally the best song title in the world. It's been proven by science. Grind science.

DesiccatedVeins said...

Also, "I Don't Lift Weights or Drive an SUV (Because I'm Comfy With My Genitalia" by Spoonful of Vicodin always makes me crack a slight smile. Mostly because of the word "comfy."

Anonymous said...

magrudergrind - the stench of my cats shit is equivalent to your $50 perfume

Autonocuous said...

Agents of Satan never cease to amuse me. A Sliver in Christ's Cornhole is a great song, good riffs, good samples, can't beat that. Also Let's Fucking Go from crush kill destroy gets me both smiling and jumping erry time.

Anonymous said...

ANb's 10 second long "Scott Hulk on intramuscular steroids"

Swallowing Shit - "If assholes could fly this place would be an airport" and "I may be P.C. (Whatever the fuck that means" LOLZ

Also, couldn't avoid the *that's-gay*giggle* on that last part "... bent sense of humor". Blame the british!